I hammer DIY with my drill

What’s the most useful thing I learned at university? Erm, how to use a drill.

After six years immersed in “the cultural field of art” while completing my recent degree, I emerge with a head full of notions, but also brandishing a drill like a gun – and I’m not afraid to use it.

In fact, I have two drills, one being a heavy-duty plug-in Black and Decker with an all-important hammer function, and the other a lightweight rechargeable guy which doubles as a screwdriver.

I can tell masonry drill bits from wood ones – which have a little spike on top – and I know that a drill’s so-called hammer function (not available on all models) is necessary for boring into concrete. Without it, you might as well dig holes with a sharpened spoon.

Why do they not teach this stuff in school?

So, first I hung my own graduate show, which is easy enough on plasterboard walls, but then I came home to a house where all the artwork was on the floor because we’d had painters in, so every picture was taken down and now needed putting back up again.

Bring me my drill, said I, having recently discovered the dusty Black and Decker at the back of a cupboard, presumably purchased by my visiting father many years ago.

Should we not hire a man, said my man.

I am he, I responded.

But you don’t know – he protested, but I cut him off with a blast on the trigger.

I have now hung 40 of the paintings on rock-solid structural walls, while wearing my cooking apron as a tool belt because it has handy pockets for pencil, tape measure, spirit level and bubble gum (because I chew gum while kicking ass).

I only have about 100 left to go…

However, when our house eventually crumbles to dust, I feel confident that my screws and wall plugs will still be here, suspended in space, unmoving.

And how did I learn my drill skills?

Out of necessity. I asked the college technician and at the hardware store, I learned about the hammer function, and I went for it.

On Saturday, when my friend complained she can’t get her partner to hang two paintings despite his many promises, I jumped in: I’ll do it, I said, and better yet I’ll teach you too.

But first, does your drill have a hammer function?