#FakeNewsFriedman: Leave us alone, inanimate objects tell Steve Hofmeyr

The SPCO has accused the Afrikaans singer of the 'serial abuse' of non-sentient beings.

A spokesperson for the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Objects (SPCO) has slammed Afrikaans singer Steve Hofmeyr for what the organisation describes as his “serial abuse of inanimate items”.

The organisation released a statement following a video Hofmeyr released showing him driving his bakkie over his DStv decoder and throwing his satellite dish off the roof.

Hofmeyr called on his supporters to do the same, even offering R10,000 in prize money for the best video.

His supporters have responded with bold shows of support that have included them braaing their decoders over an open flame without even any consideration as to what they will do next time the rugby is on.

This is a move that has been applauded by animal rights activists who hope more people will choose satellite decoders as an alternative to meat. Objects rights activists, however, are unimpressed.

“This is not the first time Hofmeyr has taken out his frustrations on defenceless objects. In 2008, he threw a cup of tea in YOU/Huisgenoot editor Esmare Weideman’s face. Did that cup of tea want to be hurled? We’ll never know, as cups of tea can’t speak for themselves,” stapler and activist for object rights Rexel Stapler Aquarius Full Strip told The Citizen.

“Then, in 2011, he threw his tickets to the band U2 in the Jukskei river after the band’s frontman Bono said he had no problem with the singing of the controversial song Dubul‘ ibhunu. It was tickets for them. Just because pieces of paper aren’t sentient, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a right to self-determination. I don’t want to speak for them, but I have a feeling they would have preferred to be recycled,” Rexel added.

Steve Hofmeyr was unavailable for comment, as he was too busy dondering his Toyota bakkie, blikseming his MTN smartphone and moering a copy of The Citizen he had lying around.

NOTE: This is satire. Take it seriously at your own risk. 

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