– A final leak –
There was only so long the US Secret Service agents guarding Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner could hold on…
Now the truth has finally dribbled out. Trump’s favourite child and her millionaire partner refused to let the agents protecting them around the clock use any of the “6.5 bathrooms” in their Washington mansion.
Instead the agents were forced to go to the nearby home of Barack and Michelle Obama when nature called. And when the Obamas weren’t home they had to make do with a porta-potty.
Eventually the Secret Service rented a studio apartment nearby for $3,000 a month to save everyone from embarrassment, the Washington Post revealed.
– You’ve been Trumped –
In other Trump news, the departing president is reportedly refusing to pay his personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani — despite the fact that he pretty much trashed his career and reputation for him.
The pair have fallen out, with Trump “offended” by Giuliani’s demand for $20,000 a day.
But Giuliani got no pity from his old friend and former spin doctor Ken Frydman.
He said the ex-New York mayor had repeatedly “embarrassed himself” for the President — including in an unfortunate bedroom cameo in the latest Borat film, “Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”.
“Lay down with dogs. Wake up with fleas and without $20,000 a day,” Frydman quipped.
– Childbirth is no excuse –
South Korean authorities have issued a reminder to pregnant women to have enough pressed shirts, socks and underpants ready for their helpless husbands when they are away in hospital giving birth.
They should also have sufficient pre-cooked meals set aside so the poor man, so “unfamiliar with cooking” will not starve, Seoul’s local government said on its website.
In another helpful hint, mothers-to-be are advised to hang their favourite skimpy dress up on a wall to “motivate” them not to eat too much during their pregnancy.
“And don’t put off your domestic duties like cleaning and the dishes” girls, it adds. “The exercise will help you keep your weight down…”
Like in neighbouring Japan, authorities wonder why fewer and fewer South Korean women are having children.
But the penny may be dropping. The advice was taken down after 20,000 women expressed their fury at it in an online petition.
– Dog’s life –
A Quebec woman was stopped by police walking a man on a leash after the 8 pm coronavirus curfew.
The woman insisted “she was walking her dog”, which is permitted. But her “straight face” didn’t stop police fining her.
Clearly the people of Sherbrooke, east of Montreal, would not be out of place in a David Lynch movie. Another man there who was stopped for driving drunk said he wanted “to see what it was like to be outside during the curfew”.
– All a plant –
The murder squad was scrambled after a walker reported finding a body in a field in northeast England and sent a photo to police of what appeared to be a foot.
But the corpse turned out to be a potato… and a mushroom.
“We tracked down the (murder) ‘scene’ only to discover the toe was in fact a potato with a mushroom growing next to it,” Northumbria Police said.
– Keep it short, Joe –
When Joe Biden is sworn in as US president on Wednesday, we hope he remembers the lesson of his unfortunate predecessor William H. Harrison in 1841.
An oldie like Biden, Harrison tried to show his vigour by giving the longest inauguration speech in US history, only to expire of pneumonia a month later having talked for two hours in the freezing cold.
History does not record how many of the audience also perished.