Hein Kaiser
Journalist
3 minute read
20 Sep 2021
9:15 am

The priciest lobola in SA – and other strange classifieds finds

Hein Kaiser

Would you baulk at paying R500,000 for a cow with a perfect heart shaped blemish? Or R172 million for an ocean view at Clifton?

Would you pay R500,000 for this calf and her perfect heart-shaped blemish? Picture: Supplied.

It’s either a multi-millionaire’s lobola or the most expensive brag-able possession anyone could own.

There’s simply no sense in it but today, on classifieds platform Gumtree, it’s possible to acquire a calf with a perfect heart-shaped blemish on its forehead.

It’s described as the “perfect gift for your daughter or wife”, and given that the Simmental breed either ends up as a steak or employed for dairy, the gift could become one of the most expensive steaks in history, or the priciest milkshake anyone could ever enjoy.

A Simmental’s cow’s average dairy yield over a two-and-a-half-year period is around 9,900 kilos of milk.

Divide this by the purchase price, and the cost of a litre ends up being almost four times as much as the current retail price of around R14 a litre.

At R50, it is an udderly ridiculous price tag and will set you back more than the fuel for a brand new three-door Mini Cooper that costs around the same price as the cow.

You can also buy a modular eco-home pod with two bedrooms and a bathroom for R399,000 online, and kit it out with the change.

But a cow is not the only curiously expensive item being flogged on the site at the moment.

Other Gumree finds

A beautiful house does not come cheap. Digging a bit, you’ll find a beautiful mansion in Clifton, Cape Town, for the incredible, discounted price of only R172 million.

The house has five levels, four bathrooms and five bedrooms, and overlooks the Atlantic Ocean. Based on the pictures, it’s exquisite.

Using Private Property’s bond calculator, a home loan with zero deposit upfront near doubles the purchase price to R320 million, with monthly repayments over two decades setting you back R1.3 million a month at current interest rates.

This is more than many top-flight executives earn.

Once you’ve bought the place, get a car, and park a low-mileage Ferrari in the garage. This 21-year-old sports car is sure to attract attention. It’s got 74,000 km’s on the clock and it’s automatic.

It’s a mighty fine looking car, but a quick squizz at eBay, and the price of a set of brake pads alone is scary. It’s around R10,000, and for the same price you can take your family out for a lush dinner about ten times instead.

Don’t forget to splash out on a cow for the yard, either.

But, if you’re not a lepidopterist with cash to flaunt, there is an extremely rare butterfly for sale for R10 000.

This is not the sort of thing you’d see flogged on the History Channel’s Pawn Stars, but someone in Pretoria has one.

The ad reads that it is a “gynandromorph specimen of Mylothris agathina, or the Common Dotted Border butterfly”.

“Gynandromorphs are one specimen showing male characters on one side and female characters on the other side, they are extremely rare.”

So, if you own everything else life has to offer, this may just be that impulse purchase that completes your collection of stuff.

It is a dead insect, after all.