Karabo Mokoena
Content producer
4 minute read
22 Aug 2019
7:00 am

Why I escaped my toddler for one evening

Karabo Mokoena

I had to escape motherhood for one night to remind myself that I also had a role to play for someone who was there before my child.

The 11th of August 2019 marked 9 years since I have been with my partner. This is also the last year we celebrate our dating anniversary because we are getting legally married in December 2019. It feels like the last 9 years go down the drain and we start counting from one again. It’s like starting from scratch, which is slightly terrifying.

Due to our wedding plans, we have been on a very tight budget. Anything wedding is expensive. Cakes are affordable until you put ‘wedding’ next to it, then all of a sudden the quote shoots through the roof. It makes no sense to me, but I want a wedding, so I’ll pay for the damn cake.

With that being said, we did not have money lying around to have an extravagant weekend away to celebrate such a huge milestone like we have been doing for the last couple of years. I decided to start brainstorming ideas of what we can do to celebrate. It has to be something special that we can do together, without the kid.

And that’s when I had a light bulb moment: We needed an all-night out, without the baby.

I rampaged through Air BnB looking for affordable places we could go visit for the day. This was a Wednesday, and our anniversary was the coming Sunday. If you know Air BnB, then you would know that all the good places are booked way in advance. It seemed crazy trying to find a place just a week in advance.

To my surprise, I found a cute little place on 10th Street in Parkhurst. It was completely booked, except for the 11th of August. Do you believe in fate? This had to be it. The place, on pictures, had amazing finishes, had Netflix and free WIFI. Happiness.

On arrival, we were greeted by the amazing hosts and were showed to our room, which looked as spectacular as the pictures.

This for us was a celebration. A day and night away from our daughter. All we wanted to do was to watch Netflix and chill. And we did just that.

We went for a nice dinner at Craft restaurant, walked back to our place afterwards, sat on the roof of our home for the evening and talked the night away.

This night was a big relationship eye-opener for me, and I am glad it happened before I stand in front of the church and officially say ‘I do’.

I had to escape motherhood to remind myself that I also have a role to play for someone who was there before my child. I think we can easily drown in the role we play for our kids. Motherhood has been such an amazing experience, but also very new. I take very careful steps because I am trying not to mess it up. The last thing I want is a teenager that is acting out because they grew up feeling neglected.

My one night away was a beautiful reminder that I will not mess it up because I am doing it alongside a human that is in it as much as I am. I had honestly forgotten how important it is to nurture your relationship with your partner. That very relationship is the reason why we were blessed with a little human being. Neglecting it would be an injustice to our daughter, and ourselves.

As moms, we carry a load that is too heavy and unfair for anyone to carry. We call it mom guilt. We feel terrible sometimes for leaving our kids with grandparents or their caretakers for a few days. We assume that doing such makes us selfish women. For a matter of fact, depriving ourselves the beauty of a healthy relationship is what is selfish.

So, moms and dads, it’s okay to have a date night budget. Not all the money is supposed to go towards your children. They like nice things, but they also deserve a happy home, with parents that create time to fall in love over and over again.

Karabo Parenty Post BioKarabo Motsiri is a first-time mom, over-sharer, lover of life, chronic napper and married to her best friend. She loves a good party because the dance floor is her happy place. She enjoys good food, good conversations, laughs a little too hard, and cries during every episode of Grey’s Anatomy. She started her blogging journey because she wanted to share all the ups and downs of being a young modern mama in South Africa. Her blog Black Mom Chronicles has been featured on Ayana Magazine & SA Mom Blog. She has enjoyed airtime on Power FM and frequently writes for the parenting section of Saturday Citizen. She also works with MamaMagic on their Product Awards, Milestones Magazine, Heart to Heart blog, and the Baby Expo, which is South Africa’s biggest parenting expo. 

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