Can we all just admit that Christmas is hard? The end of the year has us feeling like Luke Skywalker in the trash compactor (if you know, you know).
Dudes, the Mother Load never feels heavier than in December, so in this episode, we unpack why burnout among moms is at an all-time high.
DECEMBER: A Soliloquy
“Must remember to move my Elf on the Shelf. What did Kid 1 need to wear again for the Christmas play? Do we even have a clean white shirt? He can wear the collared one if it still fits. What do we feed the Jewish kids for the year-end picnic? Must I invite the grandparents? Where can I get Kosher cupcakes before 7am? Will the afterschool teachers be there on the last day? Do I get them a gift too? I really nailed a cheap-and-thoughtful gift this year. Well done, me. What the hell am I gonna do next year? I should really create a Pinterest board for that. What’s my password again? I should keep a list of all my passwords on my phone. Is that safe? We really need to downgrade our medical aid before the end of the year. But what if Kid 2 gets another ear infection? Are grommets covered by a hospital plan if you’re technically not booked in for the night? Kid 1’s Playball report said he’s not crossing his midline enough. Need to Google fun activities for the holidays that will help develop that. Wonder if Gran still wants to give the kids money for Christmas? Should probably open that bank account for them, then. Do I go to the Little Kickers ceremony or show face at the office party? Will the kid give a fuck if I’m not there? Will the boss give a fuck if I’m not there? Maybe I can do both… Is it inappropriate to arrive at the school slightly pizzled? The class moms want to do a Secret Santa dinner. I should probably go. It’ll benefit me, in the long run, to be more social with the school moms. Are we really doing gifts though? What can I buy for under R100? MIL asked me to bring a potato dish for Christmas Eve dinner. Is this a test? Need to send that invoice. If I send it now does that mean I only get my money in January? Should probably order the surprise egg for Kid 1 – it’s literally the only thing on his list. Will Kid 2 bitch about not getting one too? I’ll order both. Will Takealot be able to deliver on time? We need towels for the trip down to the coast. Can’t afford new tyres right now, I hope that plug holds. If Christmas is at the sea, we can’t put the presents under the tree. I’ll buy a mini one for the Air BnB. Really wanted to be more mindful this Christmas but the cousins are all going to get big toys. Should I feel shit that mine only get a handful? Really wanted to stick to that four-present rule I saw on Insta. I’ll open the egg and unpack all 25 surprises. No wait, that defeats the purpose. Just realised I’m gonna have a shit-ton of tiny plastic toys come January. I’ll buy recycle bins to make up for it. Should text my sister to ask where she got hers. Haven’t spoken to her in a while so let me first ask how she’s doing and make small talk before I ask her for a favour. Shit shit shit, there’s only one Paw Patrol advent calendar. Will Kid 2 settle for Peppa Pig or is she going to want her brother’s one? Should’ve done a crafty advent calendar with Christmassy activities. Next year. I’m just going to give Gran my bank account details and sort the kids’ ones out next year. She’ll never know. Must remember to get the good sticky tape for gifts wrapping. If I promise to put out tonight I’m sure the hubbo will help with that. Must try find that MindBodyGreen article about how wrapping paper can’t be recycled. Do I need a planner for next year or should I try going digital? If I find a safe place to keep all my passwords I can definitely do that. I could make a list of teachers gift ideas, start in January to avoid the rush. Will probably need to iron the white collared shirt before the Christmas play. Must remember to move my Elf on the Shelf.”
The Great Equalizer is hosted by local Joburg moms Sam Herbst and Charlene Armstrong who believe that all parents are rocking the same kind of crazy. It doesn’t matter who you were pre-kid, what colour skin you’re in, how rich or poor you are, or whether you’re gay or straight. If you’re a parent, you know what it’s like to smell your kid’s butt in public and you can probably identify with fantasising about killing your sleeping partner during a 3am a wakeup call.
Here at The Great Equalizer, we laugh, bitch and cry about the ups and downs of our current upside-down. There’s just one rule (and it’s non-negotiable)… absolutely NO JUDGIES. Okay? Okay.
*And because your hosts don’t know what the frack they’re doing 99% of the time, we touch base with experts who do. So, hey, you may just learn something too?